


Phoradendron

by cheekylady



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Darcy/Steve Holiday Fic/Art Exchange, F/M, Mistletoe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-06
Updated: 2014-01-06
Packaged: 2018-01-07 17:03:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1122325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheekylady/pseuds/cheekylady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy was amused when the first mistletoe went up at SHIELD headquarters. When it became an infestation, she was less so.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Phoradendron

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Phosphorescent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phosphorescent/gifts).



> My prompt from phosphorescent-naidheachd was: 'pre-romance, romance, friendship, humor, character study, team building, action/adventure'. So I went with romance, friendship and humor and stole one of my own prompts, after asking nessimore to ask the lovely TacitPermission if she wouldn't mind if she wasn't using it.
> 
> As always, thanks to the ever-wonderful LadySarah for being my beta, Twin, Head Cheer-leader and sounding board. Katertots and Meri likewise get a shout-out for handholding and cheer-leading.
> 
>  
> 
> Phoradendron is a genus of Mistletoes native to the Americas, they are woody hemi-parasitic shrubs. The foliage and berries of some species are toxic. (source: Wikipedia)

  
For once, Darcy was up first. Normally at this hour she’d be curled around Steve’s back, grumbling as he attempted to extract his limbs, entwined with hers, to go for his morning run. She smiled, curled up in the big chair in the corner of their bedroom, watching as he rolled over, his arm reaching out as if trying to find her. She put her coffee mug down on the table, and quietly walked over to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Steve,” she whispered.

“Love you,” he murmured, still half asleep.

“Love you, too,” she said back, reaching out to caress his face. His eyes opened, and he smiled groggily up at her.

“What are you doing up?” His arm snaked out to pull her down next to him. He kissed the top of her head and curled around her. “Thought we were sleeping in today.”

“This is sleeping in for you,” Darcy smiled as she twisted to sit on top of him. “And now it’s time to get up.”

Steve blinked up at her, blonde hair mussed from sleep, eyes heavy lidded. “It’s a day off, and we didn’t get back home until 2 in the morning. I thought you weren’t doing the whole black Friday sales thing?”

“I’m not.” She smiled down at him, her hands firmly planted on his chest. “But it’s the day after thanksgiving.”

“So?” 

“So it’s time to go get our Christmas tree!”

“Can it wait until later?” He leaned up and kissed her nose.

“Nope. We need to go now to get a good one.” She placed quick kiss on his lips and tried to get out of bed, but Steve held her firmly to him. “Steeeve!” she whined. “Do you want a sad Charlie Brown Christmas tree?”

“I thought it was cute.” He leaned in to kiss her neck. She pushed him away, giggling.

“Nu-uh. It’s cute for a coffee table, maybe. Not for our first Christmas tree together.”

He groaned and lay back on the pillows. “We’re really doing this?”

Darcy climbed off the bed. “We really are,” she said, handing him a cup of coffee as he sat up, leaning against the headboard.

“I’ve never seen you voluntarily up this early,” he mused, sipping his coffee.

“Yes you have,” Darcy called out, voice muffled as she grabbed clothes from Steve’s side of the closet.

“I only count times when you actually went to sleep first,” Steve grinned, watching her bend over to pull things out of the dresser. “Are you dressing me now?”

She tossed a shirt at his face, and he caught it before it hit his coffee cup. “No, I’m just – expediting the process. Aren’t you excited? It’s Christmas Tree Day!”

Steve put his coffee down and got out of the bed to wrap his arms around Darcy. He held her close, nuzzling his head into her hair and smiling. “I’m excited to see you excited.”

She tightened her arms around him and leaned up to give Steve a long kiss. “Thank you. Now put on some clothes, and let’s get going!”

Steve sighed as she extracted herself from his arms and practically danced out the door. “Do you even know where to get a tree in Brooklyn?”

She poked her head in the door, a bright smile on her face. “Of course. There are any number of them on the sidewalks, certain church parking lots… we just need to look until we find _the_ tree!”

 

 ____________  

 

Darcy was grinning as she walked into SHIELD headquarters on Monday, literally with bells on. The jingle bells on her red barrette made a happy little tinkling noise as she hummed _O, Tannenbaum_ on the way to Jane’s lab.

She grinned as she saw that Barb had put a single red ornament on her Jade plant in her cubicle, and that Kerrie had strung garland along her cubical wall. She noted the vaguely generic corporate holiday trees when the cubicle farms ended and the lab areas started, and sidestepped what looked like a very awkward kiss under a doorway as she continued on. Some of the labs even had snowflake clings on the glass partition walls, and one had a dizzying array of blinking lights outlining each partition which she was pretty sure signaled “Happy Holidays” in Morse code.

Jane looked up from her computer screen with a put-upon look on her face. “You know, when you said you’d be here with bells on, I didn’t think you meant literally.”

“Jane, it is the Christmas season. This means jingle bells, pine trees, shiny baubles, music that gets stuck in your head, cocoa, chocolate and cookies.” She said the last gleefully, placing down a battered tin on the desk in front of Jane.

“Are those-” Jane was cut off by Darcy as she reached for the tin.

“My famous snicker-doodles? Yes. I also made candied-pecan biscotti.”

“You know, I really don’t know how you get that tiny little oven to turn out so many baked goods,” Jane remarked, prying the tin open.

“It just takes the right touch,” Darcy grinned. Of course, by right touch she meant _no_ touch. Jane still had no idea that Darcy had moved out of her apartment months ago. Not that anyone else did either, since she and Steve were still keeping their relationship a secret. They were both rather private people, and so far no one even suspected they were in a relationship much less the fact that they had an apartment together.

One of the best things about said apartment, besides the fact it was _theirs_ , was the kitchen. With as much as she liked to bake, and as much food as Steve needed to eat, a large functional kitchen was a necessity for them. The double ovens made holiday baking much, much easier than it had been in her old apartment. That oven, which had maybe a cubic foot of space inside to bake, was almost as old Steve, more temperamental than Jane on a bad day.

The countertops were granite, and perfect for sprinkling flour and rolling out dough onto. They were also the perfect height for certain super soldiers to – Darcy was pulled out of her thoughts by Jane, who had her mouth full of her first cookie.

“The first week you moved in you said it was an instrument of the devil, and all that would come out of it was pig iron, because all it was good for was melting for scrap?” Jane gestured at her with a second cookie. “I believe this was after your fourth burnt batch of brownies.”

“One, don’t talk with your mouth full,” Darcy stated as she walked over to her desk to turn on her computer. “Two, the devil appliance and I came to an understanding that works well for us.” Meaning she didn’t use it, and it didn’t burn everything that was put into it.

Jane sighed as she polished off her second cookie and turned back to her notes. “Can you get my toaster to come to an understanding with me?”

Darcy glanced up from checking her email. “I am not the appliance whisperer! Get a new one, or get it fixed.” She poked her finger in Jane’s direction, cutting her off as she began to interject. “And no, you can’t steal the one from the break room and replace it with your own.” She grinned as she deleted several emails from Agent Barton. If Hawkeye couldn’t figure out how not to tick Jane off, after several lessons from her on what _not_ to say in front of Thor’s beloved, she washed her hands of him, especially after his spectacular performance of putting his foot in his mouth at Stark’s Thanksgiving Fete. From now on, she would stand around with popcorn watching the fallout. Jane going off on someone who was not her was rather amusing.

Speaking of that, Darcy turned back to Jane. “Oh – you might want to keep an eye out. I think some enterprising soul put up mistletoe. I saw a really awkward kiss under suspicious looking greenery walking in.”

Jane glanced over at Darcy from her notes. “Really? Isn’t that in violation of several HR and SHIELD protocols?”

“Probably. So what world-changing science are we doing today?”

 

 ____________  

 

Darcy grinned as she walked into their apartment that evening. Steve was reading a battered paperback in the armchair next to the tree, and he’d put some jazzy instrumental Christmas music on the stereo.  

“This is a lovely picture to come home to,” she told him, hanging her coat on the coat tree next to the door. She was turning around to join him on the chair when she felt strong arms wrap around her from behind.

“Welcome home,” Steve said into her hair. Darcy turned around in his arms to grin up at him.

“Hi.” She attempted to burrow further into his embrace. “I love this.”

“This?” Steve sounded amused.

“This. Coming home to you, and Steve-hugs. Steve hugs are the best kind of hugs.”

“Nah,” he said, tilting her head up to look at her. “I’d say Darcy hugs are the best hugs.”

“Really, Steve? We’re gonna debate this?” He grinned down at her, amused.

“Nope. ‘Cause I’m right. Now move just a little to the-” he picked her up and spun her a little, causing her to give a startled squeak,  cutting himself off as he brought his lips down to meet hers. She returned it with enthusiasm.

When Steve pulled back, grinning, she rested her head on his chest. “Wow. Not that I’m complaining, ‘cause feel free to do that whenever, but what prompted this?”

Steve gave her a gentle peck on the forehead, then laughed a little as he pointed to the mistletoe that hung above them. “I may or may not have confiscated the mistletoe from an intrepid junior agent today.”

Darcy stared for a moment, and then joined in his laughter. “You do realize you don’t need mistletoe to kiss me, right?”

Steve nuzzled his face on the top of her head, and started herding her towards the couch. “I do – but it’s Christmas. Enjoy the spirit of the season.”

She pulled him down onto the couch with her, kissing him soundly. “Oh, I plan to.”

 ____________  

 

On Tuesday, Darcy wasn’t quite as amused at the holiday antics of her co-workers.

“Steve? Are you home?” she called out as she stormed in through the front door.

“I’m in the kitchen,” his voice called out.

She didn’t even bother removing her outerwear as she stormed into the kitchen. “Where were you when you confiscated the mistletoe?”

Steve stared at her with raised brows, lowering the spatula he was holding to place it in the spoon rest by the stove. “By one of the mission control rooms. Why?”

“Because when I saw some on Monday, it was right before the labs. Have you _not_ noticed the sudden growing presence of parasitic plants throughout headquarters?” She angrily threw her coat onto the barstool at the counter. “I swear to Thor, Steve, I had to alter my routes to and from the lab. I was unaware that the plant spread like cockroaches – apparently if you spot one mistletoe plant, you should assume there’s an infestation!”

“Calm down, sweetheart.” Steve walked over and wrapped his arms around her. “It’s just a silly tradition, and one easy enough to avoid participating in. If, on the off chance that someone does get you under the mistletoe, you can just politely refuse. They can’t force you.”

“Right. You’re right.” Darcy sighed, relaxing into his arms. “It’s just-”

“You already have to deal with stuff from the junior agents, without the mistletoe. I know. It’s why we always tell them that if they piss off anyone, they earn the consequences and we won’t step in unless it’s disproportionate for their actions.”

“I hate having to prove myself all the damn time, Steve.”

He kissed the top of her head. “I know you do. But it’s kinda hot watching you hand some idiot their ass.”

“Oh really?” Darcy grinned up at him, smoothing her hands down the front of his grey Henley.

Steve just chuckled and lifted her onto the kitchen counter. “Want me to prove it to you?”

“Put up or shut up, Commander.”

 

 ____________  

On Wednesday, Darcy had avoided four different mistletoe-traps before she even reached Barb’s desk, much less the lab corridors.

She looked intently at the surrounding area before cautiously sitting down on the edge of the grey-haired ladies desk.

Barb might look like everyone’s favorite grandmother, and according to her, she was her grandkid’s favorite, but she could _still_ hand any agent their butt. Not that any agent would, because Barb was not only one of the best sources of gossip, but she also was the person most likely to have the meeting leftovers. No-one was stupid enough to cross her if they wanted to survive socially or eat well.

“Darcy, did you need something?” Barb didn’t even look up from her computer. Darcy was about to ask how Barb knew she was there when the woman spoke. “It’s not magic, dear. I have a mirror on my monitor.” She turned around in her chair. “What did you need?”

“I was wondering if they were using mistletoe as a training exercise or something. There has got to be a reason other than supremely awkward junior agents trying to get it on with each other in the work place. It’s a situational awareness thing, isn’t it? Constant vigilance and all that?”

“Not that I’m aware of, Miss Lewis,” a voice said behind her. Darcy turned to see Agent Sitwell and Agent Barton carrying two platters of breakfast pastries to Barb’s desk. “But that’s an excellent idea. Thank you for the suggestion.”

Darcy stood up, a look of concern and slight panic on her face as she addressed the senior agent. “That wasn’t a-”

“Enjoy a pastry, Miss Lewis, they were quite excellent at the meeting,” he said dismissively as he turned away. Barton, the cheeky bastard, merely winked over his shoulder as he trailed after him, discussing how best to implement the ‘new training regime’.

Darcy just turned and looked at Barb helplessly. “I just made things so much worse, didn’t I?”

“I would treat anyplace but Jane’s lab and the Director’s office as a potential danger zone, now. This is going to get out of hand if Sitwell’s allowing Barton to be a part of the planning.”

“Oh dear god no.”

“Relax and have a cruller.”

 ____________  

 

It was a little over a week later, and Darcy couldn’t have been happier that it was Friday. Not that she wasn’t usually happy for the weekend – who wouldn’t want to be able to spend as much time as possible with Steve? – but it had been a long two weeks. Sitwell had, apparently, taken her ‘suggestion’ to heart. Anyone who wanted to put up the blasted plant could get it from Barb. Each plant was tagged with a camera disguised as one of the berries, so that they could track how well the placement worked to catch unsuspecting agents, and to see who needed to work on their situational awareness. In addition, if you were one of the persons caught, Barton had had the idea to send a daily email summary with photos of those caught.

The only people who knew the locations of each plant were Sitwell, Barton, and Director Fury. Sitwell was apparently immune to bribes (and she’d tried everything offering the very best recipes in her cooking arsenal), puppy dog eyes, and reasoning. (Apparently stating that she was _not_ an agent just made him want to have her participate more as she’d be more of a liability. She then asked when the last time _he’d_ tazed a Norse god was, and then asked who was a liability. He was not amused). Hawkass was taking revenge for her washing her hands of helping him, apparently. As for Director Fury, well, even she didn’t have the _cajones_ to try and bribe the director of the agency in an attempt to avoid mistletoe. She’d much rather stay _off_ of his radar for the foreseeable future.

Darcy was tired of avoiding over-amorous agents and hearing about how so-and-so was kissed by such-and-such and wasn’t agent arrogant amazing in his placement of mistletoe? All she wanted was to go home, relax with her boyfriend.

Steve seemed more amused than upset by the entire situation. _He_ never had any problem avoiding eager assistants - of both sexes - trying to trap him under the mistletoe. She guessed that after avoiding Hydra agents and doom bots, maneuvering around stationary holiday décor was a piece of cake.

Darcy sighed as she got off at the 15th Street Metro stop, and started walking along Prospect Park to their building. It had started snowing after she’d left work, and it was starting to stick to the ground. She huddled further into her coat as she kept walking, and bit back a scream as an arm settled itself around her shoulder.

“Don’t _do_ that!” Darcy squeaked as she punched Steve in the side.

“Don’t do what?” Steve stopped and turned her to look at him, grinning.

“You know what,” She grabbed the scarf that was around his neck and pulled him down for a brief kiss, then burrowed into his embrace. “I’ve been on edge all week, and I _know_ that you deliberately snuck up on me.”  
  
“Maybe you should be more aware-”

Darcy elbowed him, and Steve made an exaggerated ‘oof’, which was completely ruined by the grin on his face. “Don’t you start. I’m starting to feel a bit like the fox in a room full of hounds. I can’t go anywhere without constantly glancing over my shoulder. I just want to build a fire, drink cocoa, and do absolutely nothing all weekend.”

Steve nudged her gently to get her walking again, held close to his side, and rubbed her shoulder. “Fire and cocoa we can do, but you might have a problem with that last one.”

Darcy leaned her head against Steve’s side and sighed. “I revise my previous statement: I want to build a fire, drink cocoa, roast marshmallows, and do nothing but you all weekend.”

Steve laughed and held her closer. “Still not possible, though I like your idea. We can do that tonight and Sunday. But not Saturday.”

“Why not?”

Steve glanced down at her, grinning. “Does Ice-Skating ring a bell?”

Darcy groaned as they turned the corner onto their street. “Noooooo. Tell me that’s not this weekend.”

“Sister Rose called to confirm yesterday that we’d help take the kids. It was your idea, Sweetheart. We can’t not go, they won’t have enough chaperones, and you’re the one who made the arrangements with the skating center in the Park.”

Darcy grumbled as they walked up into their building, hugging Steve from behind as he unlocked the door. “I can’t let the kids down. Every child should be able to have some fun in the winter… but why can’t it be next weekend?”  
  
Steve just smiled down at her, waiting.

“Damn you and your eyes, Rogers. Fine! Fine! Ice Skating tomorrow, but tonight, it’s cocoa and marshmallows. And you’re cooking dinner!”

____________  

Saturday had actually gone well. Darcy was still on edge from the week before, but somehow the children of the Angel Guardian Home didn’t really pick up on it. There were several bruised tailbones from wipeouts on the ice, but for the most part everyone had fun.

On Sunday, Steve gave Darcy the relaxing day she wanted. He threw Red Beans and Rice in the crock pot before waking her up with a mug of coffee, and even used the iron man face-plate pancake molds that Tony had given Steve as a gift last Christmas just to make her laugh.  
  
They were curled up watching “White Christmas” on the couch when Darcy’s phone started singing _Riders on the Storm_. Steve paused the film so Darcy could answer it.

“If it isn’t my favorite lighting god? What’s up?” Darcy’s grin faded quickly, and a look Steve couldn’t quite place – a strange mixture of panic and resignation – took its place.

“Why not have Jane explain it to you?” She looked at Steve and mouthed ‘Help –he wants me to explain-’ 

“She didn’t know and pointed you in my direction?” Darcy sounded disbelieving. Steve had to cover his mouth and move to another room so he could laugh at the expression on her face as she attempted to explain Mistletoe to Thor.

____________  

 

The Darcy who had hummed carols as she walked into work after Thanksgiving was most definitely a thing of the past. She did not follow her usual route to Jane’s lab. She had, in fact, arrived twenty minutes early in order to take a circuitous route through one of the maintenance rooms in order to avoid the “Holiday Situational Awareness Training”.

“I am DONE with this. So done!” she exclaimed as she entered the lab. “It was cute the first day. Annoying the second. And now that it’s a free for all, I just want the entire damn plant to go extinct. No more mistletoe, no more mistletoe tradition, no more idiots to deal with.”

Jane just looked at her pityingly.  “You’d still have idiots to deal with Darcy, just in a different manner.”

Darcy stormed over to her desk. “I wouldn’t have to worry about a Sitwell sanctioned assault on my person though.”

“I still don’t see why you’re so upset about it. It’s just a silly holiday tradition, and it’s rather easy to avoid.”

Darcy dropped the file she was holding on her desk to whirl around and glare at Jane. “You weren’t the one who had to explain to Thor, who is _your_ boyfriend, not mine, how this tradition evolved from a legend about his non-existent brother’s death. I spent four hours on Sunday doing that. That’s four hours of my life I can never get back.” She violently pointed her finger at her. “I have also noticed the fact that because said god of Thunder is your boyfriend, _you_  aren’t the one who is being herded towards said tradition.”

“You tazed the last person who tried that.”

“No, that was two people ago. I punched the last one.”

“Sitwell was okay with that?” Jane sounded surprised.

“I got an email stating that I got full points, whatever the hell that means. Do you think that this is some kind of sick game for him and Barton? Are we getting graded on this?”

“I don’t know but – I need that file to go over to Requisitions,” Jane said, handing over a binder.

“Jane-” Darcy pleaded.

“I’m sorry, but I need to stay here and finish this – and those really do need to go over this morning. Just – try and avoid starting any feuds?”

“They’re harpies, Jane. Requisitions and Statistics and Accounting are all slightly less vapid Mean Girls who somehow managed to get past the psychological battery required to get into SHIELD. Why do you do these things to me?”

“Because I’m your boss?” Jane even looked hesitant as she said it.

“Um, no,” Darcy stated, picking up the binder as if it were a snake. “Because you’re my friend and I won’t subject you to being asked how Thor is in bed. Again.”

She started walking out of the lab, and abruptly spun around to face Jane, half in the hall and half in the lab. “Are you 100% positive I can’t just take from now until Christmas off?”  
  
“Yes. I’m positive. Besides, if I can’t take the vacation time, you can’t either.”

 

 ____________  

 

Steve was mid-conversation with Agent Sitwell and Director Fury when he paused and turned as he heard Darcy rant as she angrily marched down the hallway, oblivious to just about everything around her.  
  
“Stupid agents ruining my favorite holiday. I shouldn’t have to be avoiding harassment and decor. I’m going to _ruin_ Hawkeye. And Sitwell. And HR for thinking any of this is _remotely_ okay.”

Steve turned to Sitwell. “I think you might want to start watching your back sir. She’s very good at hacking computers.”

Sitwell, nonplussed, just looked levelly at Steve, and then turned to gaze at the woman in question. “Thank you for your concern, Commander, but I think I’ll be fine.”  
  
Steve just crossed his arms over his chest as he watched Darcy. “Stark thought the same thing the last time he tried to mess with Dr. Foster’s machines. Miss Lewis programmed his robots to only respond to commands in pig latin until he apologized.”  
  
All three men watched as she darted around an intern to avoid colliding with... something that looked suspiciously like Kaiju parts, only to walk right under a large branch of mistletoe in front of one of the Junior Agents. 

“Well, this should be interesting,” Sitwell remarked.

____________ 

  
Darcy was still ranting as she turned down the corridor towards Requisitions, nimbly avoiding other agents, scientists, and she paused to look at what one intern was carrying, shook her head making a mental note to see if Tony could build Jagers and continued on.

Or rather, she would have if someone hadn’t grabbed her arm. Darcy turned, already in a bad mood, and looked at the redheaded agent who was still holding her arm. She ripped it out of his grip and turned to face him.

“Is there a reason you felt it was okay to grab me Agent…” Darcy trailed off as she looked at his badge. “Seriously, Agent Kay? What, did the MIB not want you?”

“I stopped you under the mistletoe.” Agent Kay, ignoring her commentary on his name, had an expectant look on his face as he stared down at her. Darcy held herself back from growling at him as he talked more to her girls and less to her face.  
  
“Congratulations, Agent. You stopped a female walking in a hallway under an arbitrarily hung piece of greenery. That took talent. I have high hopes for your success in life. Now excuse me.” Darcy started to turn back down the corridor when Agent Kay grabbed her again.

“I don’t think you understand how this works. I caught you under the mistletoe, so you –“  
  
“No.” Darcy pulled herself away from him again and glared.  
  
“No?” Agent Kay looked slightly confused and pissed off.  
  
“Just no. And if you don’t understand that – neit. Nein. لا. 无. नहीं.”

The idiot _still_ tried to press his luck, grabbed both her arms, and started to lean down. Darcy kneed him in the balls, and as he fell to his knees on the floor, grabbing his crotch and with a high-pitched whine, she leaned down and grabbed his tie, forcing his head up to look at her.

“No means no, Agent Kay. I told you that in six different languages; surely you understood one of them. If it had been Director Fury under the mistletoe, would you have done the same thing?”  
  
“Hell no,” Agent Kay gritted out, glaring.

“And why not?” Darcy raised her brows and tightened her grip on the tie.  
  
“Because I like living.”

Darcy jerked the tie tighter, choking him mildly, watching his face turn colors, only somewhat aware of the crowd gathering around them. “Wrong answer. You wouldn’t do the same thing because he’s a human being and no means no, no matter who the hell is saying it. Stepping underneath a holiday decoration is not consent.” She released the tie and kicked him away from her, leaving him gasping on the floor, humiliated.

There was a slow round of applause around her, and Darcy glanced up, bowed, and continued on her way, leaving Agent Kay on the floor in her wake. She was completely unaware that Steve, Sitwell and Fury were following her.

 

 

 

____________ 

 

Darcy hesitated before entering the cubicle farm area that was Accounting, Statistics, and Requisitions. She hadn’t been exaggerating when she’d described them as harpies. The first time Jane had needed equipment requisitioned, she’d gone down herself. The second time, she’d made Darcy come as backup.

At first, Darcy’d been confused. This was the woman who’d made dirty science jokes with Tony stark, and she needed back up with bean counters? She’d understood almost immediately within ten seconds of meeting them. It was like high-school all over again. They first attempted to get all the gossip they could out of you, and then systematically tried to cut anyone they could down to make themselves superior.

Darcy looked into the area, and plotted her route. Gina, Tami, Roxanne and Kristin were the ringleaders of the main group of piranhas, and were all clustered around Kristin’s desk in Statistics. Most everyone in the area’s attention were on them at the moment. If she avoided them, she’d avoid most, if not all, the drama. If she went by Michele’s desk, she could avoid them, hopefully not interact with Michele, who had headphones in, and get to Stephanie to drop of Jane’s binder without too much drama.

She took a deep breath, and entered the area. She was just passing Michele when what they were talking about finally registered.

“That’s perfect, Tami. Agent Ward will be putty when you’re done with him. Just be sure to share the deets, girl.”

“And how goes your plan to land Commander Rogers?” Darcy froze.

There was soft laugher, and then Darcy turned, angry, to watch as Kristin fluffed her blonde hair and responded to Gina. “It’s perfect. One of my sources say he’ll be down here this afternoon, so I can put it into motion. I know that The Black Widow placed a little seed in his head about me already – she recommended me to him, so I have an in there.”

“Natasha obviously has never actually spent more than five minutes in your company,” Darcy rolled her eyes and mumbled under her breath.

Apparently not quietly enough. Kristin’s head snapped up, quick as snakes. “And you think yours is any better? Honey,” her lips curled, “he wouldn’t even know who you are if you didn’t work for Dr. Foster. But I’ll make sure that when the _Commander_ and I-” her voice had practically purred Steve’s rank, and Darcy snapped.

“Listen, bitch. His _name_ is Steve Rogers. His _rank_ is commander. He fucking earned that, so _you_ do _not_ use it as a pet name. Especially since all you know about him came from a god-damn wikipeda page.”

The entire room went silent, not that Darcy noticed. This had been building too long. The constantly having to get out of the way of unwanted advances, having to watch people lay in wait to try and jump _her_ man, and feeling very much like she and Steve were the roadrunner in a room full Wiley Coyotes.

“And what the _hell_ gives you the right to attempt to assault him, or anyone for that matter?” Darcy slammed the binder onto Michele’s desk, making her jump. “Because that’s what it fucking is when you try and force a kiss on someone who _clearly_ does not want anything to do with you. What about a parasitic poisonous piece of greenery makes you think that you can jump his or anyone’s bones?”

“It’s tradition. And would _you_ know who _he_ wants?” The smirk was back on the blondes’ face again.

Darcy raised her brows at the bleached blonde whining in front of her. “Because I know him.”

“Just because your boss dates his teammate doesn’t mean you know him well enough to know if he’s interested in someone or not.”

“That’s hilarious, because by that same logic, you doing math problems for some of his ops makes you _less_ in the know than I supposedly would be.” Darcy took pleasure as Kristin’s face, and the rest of the harpies, slowly turned pale as they looked at her, and continued on. “I don’t know him because my boss dates his teammate, I know him because I took the time to. Commander Rogers leads the Avengers, but _Steve_ engages in prank wars with Clint and Tony. Commander Rogers might go to a publicity shoot to fundraise for New York Child Welfare, but _Steve_ spends parts of the weekends he has free volunteering and spending time at the local orphanage. Commander Rogers is just a façade, and the man underneath wouldn’t have to be forced under the mistletoe if he wanted to be underneath it with you. He’d godamn get the plant himself and let you know.”

“Exuse me, Miss Lewis?” Darcy started as she whirled around to see Steve. She didn’t have much time to take in the fact that there was a large crowd behind him before tilted her head up with his left hand, pulled her tight to him with something green held tight in his right, and kissed her.

What started as a gentle kiss quickly escalated as Darcy, lost in the sensations of Steve’s mouth on hers, forgot where she was, deepening it, one hand caressing his chest, the other reaching up to caress his cheek. They were oblivious to the wolf-whistles and applause as Steve reached down and lifted her off her feet.

“The _fuck_ is going on here?”

Steve and Darcy both started, and turned to look at an irate Director Fury. Darcy, in some odd detached part of her brain, noted that it was never a good sign when his eyebrow was twitching over the eye-patch, and wondered when Accounting, Statistics and Requisitions got so popular. There were normally never this many people around.

Steve’s voice knocked her out of her kiss-induced stupor. “I caught my girl-friend under the mistletoe, Sir.”

“ _Girlfriend_?!” the high pitched squeak caused everyone to turn back to look at Kristin, who seemed to be having an apoplectic fit. “Since when are you dating _her?”_ The last word was said with revulsion.

“I don’t see how it’s anyone’s business but ours.” Darcy snapped.

Not even a second later Steve said. “I asked Darcy to move in with me over six months ago. So your advances have neither been warranted nor welcome.”

Darcy turned to Steve, taken aback. “I thought we were keeping that quiet.”  
  
Steve smiled gently down at her. “No point – I’m tired of seeing Junior Agents harass you, sweetheart. And the constant stalking,” he nodded his head at Kristin and her cronies, “while easy to avoid, is obnoxious.”

Kristen just stared, and paled further as Director Fury addressed her.

“Miss Freidbush, I do believe you need to go see HR. Immediately. Harassment is _not_ acceptable at SHIELD. Commander Rogers, Miss Lewis –keep the PDA to a minimum while on the clock. You’re not paid to canoodle. And update your god-damn records. Sitwell, we need to have a talk about the prevalence of a certain plant. Holiday Situational Awareness Training my ass. In my office. Now.” Fury stalked off, his black trench coat fanning out behind him as a slightly-worried looking Sitwell followed him.

“Well, I think your mistletoe-problem is about to end.” Steve grinned down at Darcy.

“Thank god,” Darcy leaned up to place a smacking kiss on Steve, and then grabbed his hand. “Let’s go tell Jane and the others before they find out about us via that stupid Kiss-Cam email. And if I never see another piece of mistletoe in my life it’ll be too soon.”

 

 


End file.
